


Married with pigs

by Aniki411



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, Humor, M/M, Married Couple, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 17:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12215775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aniki411/pseuds/Aniki411
Summary: Erwin brings home a surprise. Levi adjusts. Married eruris. Set in Southern California.





	Married with pigs

 

 

Levi's is usually not one for sleeping in but Erwin left much earlier than usual to beat traffic, while Levi was still stumbling around the kitchen with eyes blurry and mood irritable. They are close to finishing a big construction project downtown that Erwin designed and has been excited for for months. Levi yawns and pours tea into his cup, might as well start on the quarterlies that are due in a couple of weeks. It's still early and doing taxes almost puts him back to sleep, but he plows through – owning a business comes with a set of not-so-fun responsibilities, but he doesn’t mind. At least the morning is quiet, undisturbed by the usual barrage of phone calls from contractors. By the time he lifts his eyes from staring at the numbers the sun is fully up and Erwin should be coming home soon. He washes the cup and opens the fridge, doubting that Erwin has had anything to eat either when Levi hears a sudden honking in the driveway that makes him jump. Levi frowns and sees Erwin’s SUV pull up from the kitchen window with a very enthusiastic Erwin inside that waves at Levi to come out. Levi does.

Erwin is beaming when he opens the trunk.

"Levi! I've something to show you. Come here!"

Levi moves in the direction of the car.

"What the hell is this?" He asks and can’t believe his eyes.

"He had nowhere else to go," Erwin says matter-of-factly and taps the top of a large carrier - inside it a dark-haired creature with a pair of brown eyes, four hooves, and a snout - Levi cannot believe what he’s seeing. Erwin brought home a _pig_.

“So, you went to a construction site this morning and somehow came back with a pig? I think I’m missing something here, Erwin.” Levi says and gives Erwin _the look_.

Erwin shrugs, all innocence.

“As I said, this fella had nowhere to go. He's somewhat outgrown the teacup expectations so his previous people abandoned him.”

“No shit. The thing looks at least 80 pounds,” Levi says, still incredulous, and narrows his eyes. The whole thing has someone’s fingerprints all over it. "Who set you up?"

Erwin’s eyes widen and dart to the side. A moment passes before any answer comes and he smiles sheepishly.

"...Hanji."

Levi huffs an exhale. He knew it! He so knew it. Not the first time after all.

"So, he had nowhere to go and Hanji couldn't take him?"

"No, they have no space you know, with all the rescue horses and dogs, and we have this whole place to ourselves, so they offered him to us."

“Offered?” Levi deadpans. “Erwin, we are not that good with animals. We have coyotes for fuck's sake!" They also have a sturdy fence, but that will get in a way of the argument. "Also, remember Armin?"

Levi still can't forgive himself for the creature that they adopted, also upon Hanji's insistence, that escaped some months ago and was never found again. Erwin doesn't know but Levi swore to himself he will never have a pet again. It was on his watch that Armin took off and Levi despite his initial reluctance had grown fond of the creature. It was Erwin who brought him home after all. 

"I wouldn't worry about him, Levi," Erwin says with a soft smile. "That tortoise will outlive both of us."

What kind of argument is that even? _He’s probably right, though_ , Levi’s mind supplies treacherously before he can stop himself. He eyes the pig. The pig looks at him anxiously, backs into a corner, lifts his tail and poops.

“Huh?!” Levi’s jaw nearly drops. “What’s he doing?!”

“I think,” Erwin tries to mitigate the damage before this snowballs any further into sensitive subjects, “he is just scared, being in the car and all, and he hasn’t gone to the bathroom in a while.” 

The look on Levi’s face must still be positively miserable because Erwin resorts to desperate measures, moves to stand closer to him and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"Look love, he's like a little angel." Erwin smiles fondly in the direction of the pig and Levi can’t help feeling his face warm up. He follows Erwin’s gaze reluctantly. The pig snorts as if on cue and looks back at Levi with his brown eyes...

Erwin is too damn nice. Too damn nice and too damn handsome when he smiles like that. Levi glances back at Erwin’s face and his insides flutter. Despite the pig. Despite the poop. Despite the giant havoc this arrival promises to wreak on their peaceful domestic existence.

He sighs. There's no helping it.

"I'll grab this side, you grab the other," he says and motions to the carrier handles, sees Erwin grin out of the corner of his eye. _Damn handsome_.

They carry the pig to the house and release him in the living room. The poop is deposited into the trashcan and carrier is left outside for cleanup.

"What do they even eat?" Levi asks as the pig sniffs and walks around cautiously.

"Ah yeah, I brought his food, hold on, it's in the car."

Erwin comes back a few seconds later with a bag of pig food and a box of strawberries.

“These are for you.” Levi forgot they are in strawberry season and farmers have started selling them on the side of the road. He grabs a big juicy one from the box. Strawberries he’ll have. He might even admit he’s forgiven Erwin and overlook the whole thing.

The pig pushes his leg with a snout and grunts.

“You want a strawberry too?” Erwin asks and takes a strawberry from the box. The pig devours enthusiastically. “Look, he likes strawberries too,” Erwin smiles and hands the pig another one. Levi wants to bet this is where their similarities end. "Hanji said something about giving him his own little space and lots of blankets."

Levi finds some older blankets and they situate the pig in the corner.

 

Things are fine for a few days.

They make a trip to a pet store and stock up on essentials. Levi doesn’t really want to admit it, but it’s actually quite fun, strolling down the aisles and picking things – Erwin gets a little too excited and Levi wants things to match. They settle on a compromise of sorts and everything goes well.

It starts with the garden plants. The pig seems to have decided that flower pots on the ground are some sort of a buffet set up just for him. When they catch him in the act it’s already too late for some of the vegetation. There’s nothing left to do but let the pig finish the job and put them out of their misery. Empty pots get relocated somewhere out of the pig’s reach and the gardener will eventually fill them with something new. Luckily, he didn’t get to any cacti. In the next few days they learn a lot about the pig’s eating habits.

 Sundays are something Levi looks forward to in this busy season, because it means no construction and no phone calls. It’s still early and the sun is barely up when he wakes to the feel of Erwin’s breath at the nape of his neck. Erwin shifts above him and the next thing he feels is Erwin pressing his nose to the rim of his ear and mouth to the sensitive patch of skin behind it. Levi inhales and the little hairs on the back of his neck rise. Erwin’s mouth continues to trail down his neck, warm and open, tongue wet on skin and teeth scrape each vertebra lightly. Levi’s fingers curl around a lump of sheets. Erwin kisses his shoulder blades, free hand wraps around Levi’s side possessively, thumb draws wide, insistent circles around his waist, just above the line of his pajama pants. Erwin shifts again, straddles him, pins Levi’s body under the full weight of his own. The roll of hips that follows sends

Levi into a state of zero gravity as he coos and whimpers into the pillow and halos of heat radiate from below his stomach. Erwin rolls again and again, fully hard against Levi’s backside and the sane part of Levi’s mind begs to tear all the unnecessary fabric between them out of the way, wants Erwin inside him, moving into him. Erwin kisses his neck, breath in hot, short gasps against his ear and Erwin’s hand finally, finally dips below the waistband of his pajamas, drags them down, caresses his hip and wraps around his cock. Levi’s body arches into what little space there is between them, and he moans, all heat and daze.

“ _HEY!_ ” They both jolt at the sudden violent yank of the comforter. As they scramble to figure out what’s happening they find the pig below, by the side of the bed, pulling at the comforter, teeth set firm around the piece of fabric, staring challenge at both of them. Levi blinks his eyes, Erwin scratches his head, pig growls and pulls again. Hard.

“Wow, fella!” Erwin grabs the bedding and tries to tug it back towards them but the pig has a death grip on it, growls and yanks at it with renewed fervor, hooves scrambling for traction on the smooth hardwood floor.

“Erwin, he’s gonna rip it!” Levi panics and Erwin lets go, pig pulls. Most of the comforter follows and falls on the floor in a fluffy heap. Pig wins.

“Maybe we can distract him with food?” Erwin tries to brainstorm some sort of strategy for comeback as the pig continues to eye them expectantly, their comforter turned into an apparent hostage. Levi frowns. Food so far has been the only thing that works on this animal. Works like a charm… but it’s a delicate balance between trying to prevent an outright war and allowing the pig to engage in shameless blackmail.

“Isn’t it time for his breakfast anyway?”

For heaven knows what reason the pig has also been demanding breakfast at 5:30am on the clock every day, like food is in short supply or tomorrow is not gonna come.

“Might be it,” Erwin reaches for his cellphone on top of the bedside table, presses home button, sighs. On the clock. “Come on, little friend, I’ll feed you.” He stands up and squeezes Levi’s shoulder apologetically, heads towards the kitchen.

“I’ll come with,” Levi mumbles, pulls his pajama pants back up, and follows Erwin and the pig that grunts and struts triumphantly towards his favorite part of the day.

On way to the kitchen, they find other household items that have fallen victim to the pig’s morning exploits –  a bathroom mat, a couch pillow and some of their dirty laundry – all now part of the pig’s nest.

“Maybe he’s cold,” Erwin ventures. Levi raises an eyebrow.

Erwin grabs his food and brings it out to the back porch. The pig hasn’t been allowed into the kitchen, they installed a pet gate there on day two, after discovering his fascination with contents of the trashcan as well as his uncanny ability to open kitchen cabinets.

Pig wags his tail and chomps on his breakfast enthusiastically. Erwin makes coffee and Levi makes tea. It’s way too early to be awake on a Sunday.

 

Between the occasional bed wars and food negotiations the pig grows a little less shy and a little more assertive every day. It’s somewhat of a conundrum for Erwin and Levi to figure out what particular aspects of the oinker’s behavior mean. He wags his tail like a dog when he’s happy, he flicks his head and growls when he’s not, but some antics just don’t make any sense.

Levi is doing his household chores, that have greatly increased since the pig’s arrival, when he notices there’s something up with the animal.

He sees the pig lower his head, tap and drag his front right leg on the floor repeatedly, preparing as if for – 

“What the fuck?!” Levi jumps as the pig charges straight at him. Levi stares incredulous, barely out of the way, as the pig zooms just past him and nearly collides with the couch. Who knew the chubby thing was capable of moving so fast!? Before he can even process the pig skids, turns on the spot, growls, and launches at him again, little feet working at quadruple speeds and jaws chomping, trying to take out whatever part of Levi’s legs that is within reach. Levi sticks an arm out, tries to push the chomper’s head down, but is forced to backpedal because the thing is coming at him with the unstoppable determination of a tank. He briefly considers the broom in his hand but is afraid of knocking the thing out cold with it. That’s not something he will resort to, even in the face of impending doom, so he gives the pig’s head another push to the side and simultaneously moves out of the way. The pig growls and, unable to stop himself, collides with the wooden cabinet, causing the contents of the shelves to rattle dangerously. The shelves survive miraculously, but what’s even more incredible is that the pig doesn’t look the tiniest bit affected. Levi needs a plan. Pronto. Before the pig can figure out what hit him, Levi takes a chance, growls and charges at him. He has to get the raging boar out of the house before any of the furniture gets demolished. The said boar’s ears perk up instantly, he barks and starts sprinting away from the sound of pounding footsteps. Levi runs after, strategically directing him from the living room, past the hallway towards the backdoor. Erwin steps inside and catches the last bits of Levi chasing the pig out into the back yard and slamming the door shut. Erwin watches with eyes wide and mouth open.

“Call Hanji. Now,” is all Levi says.

 

It takes Erwin a minute to explain, during which he keeps glancing over his shoulder back at Levi. Levi just stares, stays seated on the couch, arms folded.

“Hold on,” Erwin says and moves, takes a spot next to Levi, “okay, you’re on speaker now, Hanji.”

“Oh hi, Levi! How are you?” Hanji greets enthusiastically and Levi wants to just glare at the phone, but realizes that glaring is pretty pointless since Hanji can’t see his face.

“Hey,” he manages and hopes he sounds sufficiently pissed.

“Let me assure you, it’s nothing out of the ordinary what happened today. In fact, it’s perfectly normal!” Hanji chirps absolutely unconcerned. Well that’s good news, he was beginning to get worried that having a death match with your pet was some sort of an abnormality. “Pigs are herd animals and they need to know their place within the herd, to feel safe and protected so to speak. They need to know who the leader is. If the pig thinks any of you are too weak to be his boss he’s gonna challenge you for the top hog position, just so he can protect you as the leader of the herd. Makes sense?”

Never mind the absurdity of the whole situation, but the pig finding him unfit to be on top of the hog hierarchy - Levi is thoroughly scandalized. Erwin must see it right on his face because he swallows and takes over the conversation with Hanji.

“Yeah,” he clears his throat. “Yeah, makes perfect sense. Top hog battle. Thanks, Hanji.”

“Honestly, as I said, you really have nothing to worry about,” Hanji laughs. “It’s all perfectly normal. Shouldn’t take you more than _a week_ to sort it out. Just show the pig who’s boss and he’ll be your best friend! Right?”

“Right,” Erwin mumbles and doesn’t dare look at Levi. Hanji laughs again, gives him and Levi encouragement.

“I’m rooting for you!”

They say their good-byes and Erwin finally turns to look at Levi.

"I hope you don’t decide to divorce me now," he says mortified.

"Don't make light of my vows, Erwin," Levi mutters. He would be almost offended had he not been so mentally exhausted from the prospect of a weeklong battle with the pig.  Maybe they could put the furniture in storage or temporarily move the pig outside the house. There has to be a way to deal with it. Whatever it is though, it will take more than one unruly hog to rattle their peaceful married existence.

 

They'd lived together for a long time before the decisions was made to tie the knot.

Not like they were going anywhere, everybody knew they'd been joined at the hip for ages, official or not, but Levi’s mom took to asking, in that nonchalant, bubbly manner of hers, if she was going to witness the happy day before she got too old and death came knocking. Levi shrugged and allowed Erwin to joke back that she’d live a hundred years and his mom would smile and hug them both heartily, and it continued to be that way until the day she just smiled back and stayed seated in the kitchen chair, too dizzy to get up and give hugs.

Maybe it was Kutchel’s sickness, maybe it was Erwin's own oddly traditional personality, but Levi really didn't see it coming. 

It rained a lot that spring. After three years of devastating drought they finally had a rainy season - almost two straight weeks of rainfall - although relief quickly turned into concern when the excess water brought about flooding that in turn started causing mudslides, particularly in Topanga Canyon where they lived. It also caused some damages to their house, so when Erwin said that he wanted to make a trip to the desert, Levi was very reluctant to agree, there was still work and cleanup to be done in the basement and the yard, but Erwin smiled at him all enigmatic, circled his arms around Levi’s hips and whispered to his ear to let workers and gardeners sort it out. A trail of kisses down Levi’s neck more than solidified the deal. They took the car and drove out to the desert that weekend.

When they arrived he instantly knew why Erwin was so insistent on going. It was spectacular, absolutely breathtaking. Mojave was in full bloom. What used to be a vast empty space covered with sand and occasional cacti or succulent was now fully carpeted by the colorful sea of wild flowers. Levi had never seen anything like that before. Blue, blue sky and splashes of bright in all directions. He was already completely overwhelmed by the view spread out before them that by the time Erwin got on one knee his eyes were wide and he could barely process - the only time Levi’s eyes got wet and the only two that were allowed to witness it were Erwin and the desert.

They got married a few weeks before Kutchel passed.

 

“The good thing, I think you just did exactly what Hanji was talking about,” Erwin tries to placate.

“Ya think?” Levi is still not amused. They open the back door tentatively and step outside. The hog appears to be lounging in the sunspot on the far side of the lawn, feet stretched out and belly in full display. A poorly informed observer might even call it _peaceful_.

“Maybe it’s because we haven’t named him yet, him acting out and all,” Erwin ventures. Levi cocks an eyebrow.

“How about Natural Disaster?”

Erwin laughs wholeheartedly.

“Whatever you see fit, love.”

Levi snorts and they make steps towards the sleeping menace.

At that the pig appears to have finally heard them because he rolls up clumsily, yawns, shakes his head and starts the slow approach.

Levi and Erwin brace for impact. The pig walks up to them, grunts once, yawns again, wags his tail and flops next to Levi’s feet. Levi and Erwin exchange looks. Can they really believe such luck?

“I think he might have accepted you as a top hog, Levi,” Erwin says with cautious optimism.

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Levi questions.

Erwin grins.

“Of sorts.”

“You better not be calling me a pig, Erwin,” Levi says pointedly and Erwin smirks, takes a step closer, extends an arm to touch Levi’s face.

“Only if you want me to.”

The pig grunts between them.

“Oops, sorry, porcine friend,” Erwin realizes he might have just encroached on the pig’s territory and takes a step back, just in case. The pig grunts again. It sounds suspiciously like the hog thinks he bested them both. But this shaky peace will have to do for now, they both agree, as long as they can keep the pig from leveling the house…

Hanji weren’t joking about it being a week though.

 

Some broken vase, torn out couch cushion, and multiple house battles later it finally becomes almost manageable. Apparently top hog negotiations involve multiple rounds. It takes yet another week before the pigscapades appear to cease and a temporary truce is established.  They are both thoroughly exhausted by then.

Levi has to marvel at the creature’s intelligence and tenacity though. He certainly knows how to get what he wants and won’t stop till he gets it, whether it’s blackmailing for a treat or monopolizing Levi’s feet to snuggle with. Levi doesn’t mind the latter however. The pig has taken to snoozing peacefully by his side when he works at home and Levi will take peaceful snoozing over house destruction any time. But he is really unsure at that point who is training who. So far, it’s Levi and Erwin that have to learn how to be quiet about eating, heaven forbid the pig hears the sound of a wrapper or the fridge being open, as well as how to negotiate their time in case the pig need attention and wants to play, which he does _all the time_.

But all in all, it’s not bad for the next couple of weeks, at least they get evenings to themselves – the pig clocks out right at sundown and sleeps through the night like a log.

 

It’s always calm before the storm. The most devastating blow comes soon after, when they are both out running errands in the afternoon.

Levi is supposed to be back earlier, but gets stuck in traffic, there’s always something or other on 405, and he is not worried at first, but as the clock keeps ticking and his Spotify playlist restarts yet again he realizes that it’s quickly approaching dinner time, the pig’s second favorite time of the day, and the cars are still crawling barely above 5mph and he is nowhere near home. His fingers tap on the steering wheel, and he is hoping against all odds that by the time he makes it back their house is still standing. Hope is really a futile thing.

When Erwin finally arrives, not long after, Levi is sitting on the floor, not moving, staring into space. 

"Are you okay? What happened?" There’s panic in Erwin’s voice at once. Levi flicks his head in the direction of the kitchen. That's when Erwin finally sees it, the devastation. Their pristine white tiled floor is covered in dirty hoof prints and trash as far as he can see. The kitchen gate is broken and the pig must have gotten into the trashcan as well as the kitchen cabinets because the contents are scattered all over the floor - grains, potato peels, cereal, used paper towels, coffee beans, broken pieces of Levi's _favorite_ tea cup...

It dawns on Erwin.

"I'm so sorry, love."

Levi doesn’t even know how he managed to get to the cup. Unless the pig was able to cause a small earthquake, there was no way for him to reach the thing that was all the way on top of the counter.

"Where's the pig?"

Levi finally raises his eyes to look at Erwin, gray and stormy, and his voice comes out heavy with resignation.

"In our bed."

"Oh..."

Erwin stands silent for a moment, nods, lets out a long exhale, thinks about apologizing again, but realizes the futility of it.

“I'll clean up,” he says instead and goes to retrieve cleaning supplies.

 

They say that pets resemble their people and Levi wonders which one of them is the lucky one that the pig takes after, wonders if he was ever like that too.

They really did get off on the wrong foot when he first met Erwin, back when Erwin was just an intern, still in college, and Levi was really pissed at the time, in general as well as particularly at the sudden changes that were happening in his neighborhood. Despite the whole community protesting city’s construction permit for weeks, his favorite tea shop as well as small mom and pop establishments that he’d grown up with were being torn down to be replaced by a stupid condo, and did he want to take it out on someone. Never mind Erwin didn’t have much to do with it, but Levi singled him out -  he was too tall, and looked too important, and smiled like the world was his playground. Levi wanted to punch him in the face and then level the atrocious thing that took over his neighborhood.

It took twelve dates for Levi to admit to himself what it was he _really_ wanted to do with that face. On the thirteenth one they kissed and no punch followed.

He really must have been difficult at the time. How did Erwin ever stick around? Levi finds it almost embarrassing to think about, wonders if Erwin is the only person who can even tolerate him long term. He knows how difficult it is for him to communicate and express, how easy it is to misread him, but Erwin just gets him, always have, even back then. It's a particular kind of talent the man possesses, just being able to read people, find a way to work things out. Levi huffs a small laugh. Had Erwin had any less patience Levi might have never found out what kind of fascinating things Erwin really wanted to build.

“Patience, huh?” He mutters to himself.

“Did you say something, love?” Erwin asks confused. Levi shakes his head, stands up.

“Just that I need to teach that hog some manners.”

Erwin lets out a soft laugh at that.

“I believe in you.”

“You better,” Levi snorts and picks up a mop. They clean up together.

 

They really do grow on each other after all, the pig and the two of them, particularly Levi. Levi think it’s because he’s home more than Erwin. Erwin says it’s because Levi is so lovable, which he denies and protests out of embarrassment.  

When Erwin comes home one day and finds Levi buried in paperwork on the couch the pig doesn’t even bat an eye, just snorts once in the way of greeting and stays planted by Levi’s feet.

“I found a name for this thing,” Levi says, not lifting his eyes from the laptop screen, and taps his foot on the pig’s belly. “From this day on his name is Eren.”

“Eren?” Erwin raises an eyebrow, “what’s Eren?”

“An overenthusiastic character from a silly show. Fits him well,” he says.

“…Okay,” Erwin nods, watches him for a moment - shoulders set, nose in a spreadsheet. “Eren it is then,” he murmurs to himself, corners of the mouth upturned, walks over, gives the snoozing pig’s belly a few scratches and takes a spot on the couch next to Levi. Levi stops typing.

“I still have work to do,” he says pointedly.

“Do you?” Erwin asks and tips his head to the side.

“Yeah, the grand opening is not gonna organize itself among other things.”

“Mmm,” Erwin purrs and wraps his arms around Levi’s waist, “then I’ll just stay here while you’re finishing up.”

Levi snorts, _As if that’s gonna work_ , half turns, brings his face closer to Erwin’s. The corner of Erwin’s mouth quirks as he leans forward and closes the laptop.

“The day is young.”

“So it is.”

Paperwork and laptop get hastily relocated on top of the side table, pillows moved out of the way, shirts get shed and fall on the floor. The pig, disturbed by the commotion, stirs and grunts, Erwin and Levi freeze.

“Do you think he’ll let us?” Erwin asks, a cautious whisper.

“Not if you stop,” Levi murmurs and mouths Erwin’s ear.

He’s right and Erwin doesn’t. The pig happily claims their discarded clothes. They can always bribe him with food if need be.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do like Eren, I promise :)  
> originally intended to write this for Erwin week (prompt 1 - domestic) but the story kinda ran away from me. Also that week I'm traveling to Japan (yay!) so won't be around anyway...   
> Based on personal experience with a pet pig  
> Hope you enjoyed


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